


Hear the Silence

by NightSen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Ben Solo Has Issues, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dingy bar in Jakku, F/M, Face your demons, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Reysexual Ben, Rock Star Ben Solo, Size Difference, Soft boi Ben, Song: Haze (Amber Run), Super Soft boi Ben Solo, sunshine rey, will update the tags as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSen/pseuds/NightSen
Summary: Rey knew it was just a song. She knew that. She still couldn’t help the tears that slipped from her eyes, because the words sounded true to the soul of Ben Solo.She thought of him, alone in his hotel room, shivering from the cold breeze and thinking he wished time would be suspended.She thought of him, trying to find a reason for being left all alone, not knowing some people just couldn’t hear the silence even though it should’ve been loud enough.OR: Ben Solo didn't know how, or why, but the anger that always followed him was strangely quiet.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 28
Kudos: 91





	1. The Ballad of Kylo Ren

She’d never heard a voice like his.

Raw, angry, exposed, bared for the world to see. Singers like that were one in a million —and here he was, singing in a dingy bar in the middle of nowhere.

He went by Kylo Ren, she knew; he was also way too famous to be _here_ , in the aforementioned dingy bar, so she was also kind of confused about his presence. He had a reputation —he liked throwing things during his tantrums, he listened to no one, he had severe anger management issues, he had a funky face that lured in a few fangirls.

Seeing him in person, Rey didn’t know how he didn’t have a throng of desperate followers throwing themselves at his feet. It’s true he wasn’t the typical boy next door, that he didn’t have a square jaw and an upturned nose or blond hair. He had big ears and a big nose, thick lips and long black hair; his face was littered with beauty marks (moles, really) and though his nose was straight, there was a bump there that made it look just a _little_ wider. There was something about him though… the more she gazed at him, the more attractive he seemed, helped along by the beautiful voice he had. The night being slow, she leaned forward on the bar, trying to get a better look. 

_Are you lonesome tonight?_

_Do you miss me tonight?_

_Are you sorry we drifted apart?_

The popular song somehow sounded infinitely sadder coming from his lips, and she saw a few patrons wipe away a tear or two. His long hair covered his face, hunched over as he was on his guitar; his ears poked out, and Rey had to admit she found that to be kind of cute. If, of course, he wasn’t currently breaking her heart with that song.

When he finally finished, the bar erupted in enthusiastic applause —a stark contrast to the morose mood that had been permeating throughout the establishment. Startled, Kylo Ren whipped his head up and looked around him; contrary to what she’d thought about him, he blushed innocently. Then an older man, John the Scrooge (as he was known in this small town), stood up and clapped Kylo Ren’s shoulder.

“You could be a singer, son, with those pipes,” John said, and though she tried not to, Rey laughed to herself. In the distance, she saw what was perhaps a smirk on Kylo Ren’s face.

“Thank you, sir,” Kylo Ren said, and by then the smirk had completely faded, along with the gloomy air. He set his guitar down, letting someone else make a fool of themselves on karaoke night, and made his way to the bar. Gaze downwards, he reached Rey soon enough and had pulled onto a stool.

“Whiskey, please,” Kylo Ren said quietly, at odds with the extroverted man she’d seen on stage. “The best you have.”

Rey nodded, quickly doing as told.

“On the house,” Rey said, puzzling the man. He glanced up with a frown, not expecting to see a girl who couldn’t possibly be a day over eighteen with tear tracks running down her cheeks. “You made me cry. There’s an unspoken agreement in town that whoever can make the bartender cry on karaoke night, they get a free drink.”

The frown didn’t disappear.  
“That sounds like bullshit. I can pay my own drink, you know,” he said, for some reason feeling defensive, like he was being looked at as a charity case. He knew this wasn’t his best look, but did it seem like he couldn’t afford some fucking whiskey?

“I know you can, since you’re Kylo Ren,” she said, making his heart stutter in his chest. Shit. “But I also wanted to show my thanks for singing something so beautiful.”

Pink blotches started spotting his cheeks, much to his chagrin.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” he said, and then mumbled, “Also, it’s Ben.”

Rey grinned.

“Rey. And you can ask anybody here, and they’ll all tell you I’m honest to a fault.” She opened a new package of peanuts and poured them on a small cup, sliding them towards her customer. “If I’d thought you sucked, it would’ve been evident.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“How so?”

She shrugged.

“You see me pouring free drinks for any of the other drunk bozos?”

She made a fair point.

This time, Rey was confident she hadn’t imagined the corners of his lips tugging up in amusement.

“Are you always this nice to strangers?” Ben asked, swirling the whiskey in its glass, in no rush to start drinking.

“Only those who are celebrities,” Rey joked, but she could see that Ben hadn’t taken it that way, something in his eyes instantly closing off. “Jeez dude, that was a joke. Lighten up a little. Yes, I’m always nice to strangers,” Rey said, and again his shoulders lost some of that tension.

“I can ask anybody?” He inquired, making Rey let out a giggle. He was oddly satisfied with his ability to make her laugh, this strange, young bartender who made his skin tingle.

“Sure you can, though strangers are a rarity around this part. In case you hadn’t noticed, this isn’t exactly a touristy town.” Rey motioned vaguely around her, as if he hadn’t realized that this place had a population of less than two thousand.

“Were you born here?” Ben asked, unable to explain to himself why he was so curious about this bartender. _Well, she’s young, hot as hell, funny and evidently smart as a whip,_ a voice answered for him.

“Don’t know,” Rey shrugged, grabbing a glass to wipe down. Her downcast hazel eyes would’ve told quite a story, Ben knew, if she’d let him see them. “I was left in an orphanage two towns over, I’m told. So it’s possible someone in here’s my father or mother.”

Ben flinched.

“I’m—”

“Sorry? Everyone always is, but it’s never anyone’s fault. Don’t worry about it.”

The worst part was it sounded like she meant it; like she wasn’t jaded, even though it couldn’t have been easy growing up.

“Parents aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be,” Ben offered, trying to make amends. He didn’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole, but he knew he ought to try. “I haven’t seen mine in four years, more or less. Voluntarily.”

Rey raised an eyebrow.

“What’d they do? Apart of feed into your gloom and doom.”

She was a straight arrow, wasn’t she? Ben found he didn’t hate it, though he’d have pummeled anyone else for that funny little input.

“That’s a nosy question, don’t you think?”

She shrugged again, putting aside the glass she’d been wiping; she picked up a new one.

“I’m a nosy person. Everyone always is, in small places. It keeps you alive,” she said, pausing her cleaning to tuck a stray brown hair behind her ear. Ben followed the movement, lost in thought. Her hair was only a few inches longer than his, but it curled more, and where his was nearly black, hers was coffee-colored.

“I thought you’d say I wasn’t obligated to answer,” Ben confessed, clearly stalling. Rey rolled her eyes, but it was good natured, he thought, so he didn’t read much into it.

“I’m nosy, remember? It wouldn’t be honest of me to say that, so I didn’t. Now quit avoiding the question.”

But he was transfixed by something else.

“You know of me, so you must know my rep. Angry, petulant musician. And yet here you are, poking around for answers not even reporters have the balls to ask. You’re not afraid I’ll snap at you?”

Rey could see he wouldn’t answer the initial question, so she asked another one.

“What are you so angry about?”

He stared thoughtfully into his glass, the whiskey still untouched.

“Do I need a reason to be angry?” He asked instead, and it was such a good question that Rey paused her cleaning again to ponder it, cocking her hip and poking out her bottom lip in a pout. Ben followed the movement. 

“No, I don’t suppose you do. Some people are just born with anger, or sadness, or love inside of them. I guess maybe you could’ve just gotten the short end of the stick,” Rey said, and for a moment Ben thought that would be that, but she just pushed again with a shake of her head. “But I don’t think that’s your case. I think that your anger came from somewhere, and that you try to hide your sadness with it. You can fool the world, Ben, but you can’t fool yourself.”

He didn’t know how to answer that.

He didn’t have to, because a second later Rey snapped her eyes up at the sound of glass breaking.

“Whoever broke that better pay for it!” She called out, stepping out from behind the bar and stomping towards the broom and dustpan, then making her way towards a couple of hiccuping old farts. He saw her scoop the broken glass into the pan, shake her head at one of them and lay her palm out, evidently waiting for money to be placed there. Ben couldn’t hear over the sound of the old woman singing in the front, but he could’ve sworn Rey was making threats from the set of her brows. Slowly, as if it agonized him, the old man laid a bill on her hand, and smiling brightly, Rey winked, grabbed her cleaning things and made her way back behind the bar.

She couldn’t have been more than five foot four, but her attitude screamed ‘giant’.

“Are you even old enough to be manning the bar?” Ben blurted out, and given the glare that Rey cast him, he wasn’t sure if it had been a smart question.

“I’m 21. Legally old enough, physically young enough.” Rey gave him a dirty look. “See? That’s how you answer a question.”

She really wouldn’t cut him any slack, would she?

“My mother’s a senator, my dad’s a pilot. I was raised by a maid and a gardener. That’s when my gloom started, if you must know.”

She could see that. A boy with ears too big, a nose too long and a heart too bruised, hovering over a guitar and angrily strumming out a tune.

She smiled, which did something to his stomach.

Her eyes crinkled, something he’d learned few fake smiles caused. Somehow, he knew she must not have been much of an actress.

“You see? It’s so much easier, being honest.”

He didn’t know what had possessed him to answer. He was generally an iceman personified, never afraid to snap at someone to stop prying. But… it felt wrong, somehow, to return her friendliness with coldness. As if he could hurt her, though he had no sway over her heart.

“I’m not an honest person,” he admitted. “Never have been.”

Rey gave him an understanding look.

“It’s scary, putting yourself out there. All you can do is hope the person you open up to will treat your confidence right.”

He finally took a sip of his whiskey, needing something to warm his veins.

“Will you?”

She laughed, lightening up the tension.

“No way. I’m running to the tabloids tomorrow first thing in the morning.”

Somehow, he heard her sarcasm clear as day, and he simply grinned back, knowing that whatever secrets he had were safe with Rey. 

They moved on to nicer topics, interrupted only by the bartender being yanked back to her duties every once in a while. For the most part, they talked about Rey; she was open, and honest to a fault, smart and clever. Apparently, she didn’t live in the small town anymore; it was winter vacation, though, and she was on a break from college (an Engineering major, she said, surprising him). She came back to take care of her foster siblings, mostly because she loved them, but also because a part of her always hoped that her parents had come looking for her. It was a faint hope, but Rey was nothing if not an optimist. Since everyone knew each other, she asked the owner of the bar, one Mr. Wickett, if she could have this as her vacation job (different from a summer job, because she didn’t need it only during that break), and he knew her well enough to say yes ever since she turned eighteen. Her favorite color was sky blue, she was allergic to bullshit (or so she said), and she was afraid of being alone.

It boggled Ben, meeting someone so open and hopeful. She really _was_ honest to a fault, as if she didn’t care if anyone knew that she’d been broken once. As if no one would ever use this information against her, betray her, then leave her to mend herself.

It seemed… like a strange way to live.

After what seemed like two hours of listening to Rey talk about herself (through no fault of her own, given that he refused to offer more things about himself), he finally let her know something intimate.

“I’m not really an open person. Everyone agrees I’m the most closed off person they’ve ever met.”

She gave him a funny look.

“What do you mean, closed off? Have you ever heard yourself sing? You wear your heart on your sleeve, only you don’t know it.” Rey gave him a smile that made his heart pound. “I know more about you from having heard you belt out an Elvis song than if you’d given me a ten-page essay on The Loneliness of Kylo Ren.”

That was a scary thought, Ben knew. That he was so transparent. Then again, he never did see the point of hiding how he felt. He just… had grown used to being told he was like a stonewall.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you,” Ben confessed, watching as Rey let everyone know it was closing time. Seeing the clock, Ben saw it was only 10:30 PM. Then again, this _was_ a rather small town, and it _was_ a Tuesday. When Rey focused back on him, she gave him a calculating look.

“You probably have. I’m only the first one you’ve felt comfortable letting in,” she said.

It was strange, feeling like someone could read your soul; because that was essentially what this woman was doing, Ben knew, taking a mile when he’d given an inch. He _was_ comfortable with the idea that she know his secrets, despite having known her less than six hours. And it didn’t matter what she said; he knew, instinctively, that no one else was quite like Rey.

When the last patron had left, Ben hesitated.

“Mind if I come back tomorrow?”

She grinned.

“Only if you’re willing to indulge my nosiness.”

He gave her a smile, one that made her face heat up.

“Ok.”

* * *

Having to wait was agony.

Initially, he’d only planned on stopping by the miniature town on his way to another, bigger city. He was on vacation, not to say running away; he needed time away from the public eye, so he decided to go on a road trip of sorts. Then he’d met Rey, quirky and witty, and he knew he’d try and stay here the remainder of his free time. The fact that he had to sleep at the next town over was only a minor inconvenience, what with Jakku not even having a motel to crash at.

Still, as soon as the bar opened its doors, he was there —not even caring about the pretense of being cool and unattached.

It made Rey smile when she saw him come in. He wore red flannel over a black t-shirt and black jeans, and she had the sneaky suspicion that it was the most colorful thing he owned.

“Back so soon?”

Ben shrugged, slipping on a stool in front of her. The bar was still empty, much to his joy; he could keep Rey to himself a while longer.

“I’m not looking to go back to the big city just yet.”

Somehow, Rey had to know he’d deliberately come back to see her; because the nearest bed and breakfast was fifteen miles away, because he was evidently not a people person, because he seemed more relaxed than the previous night, and he’d brought his _own_ guitar this time —not having the patience to wait for the next karaoke night when they’d lend him a dirty guitar.

Her eyes twinkled.

“You know, I googled you,” Rey said nonchalantly, and noticing how his shoulders tensed and his lips pressed together, she gave him a look. “Oh, don’t give me that. _Obviously_ I would. It’s like when you meet someone and stalk them on Facebook —everyone does it, don’t even start— only this time I could search the entire internet.”

She was right, but it didn’t make him any happier.

“Well? What did you find out?”

She laughed.

“Nothing important. Your full name is Benjamin Chewbacca Solo, you’re ten years older than me, and there’s a _lot_ of pictures of you shirtless,” Rey teased, winking when she saw him blush furiously. “That’s as far as I got, honestly. I got sidetracked by all the shirtless photos.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

He knew he wasn’t popular because of his attractiveness; his face wasn’t exactly _handsome_ , and he’d always been a bit self-conscious of his height. He was six foot three, and while he knew most women were into taller guys, at times he felt disproportionate; like he wasn’t quite aware of his own height, so he was normally knocking into things.

Rey leaned forward, hazel eyes intent on his chocolate ones.

“No, I’m not. I’m flirting, and you’re dense.” She poured him a glass of Sprite, smiling bigger when she saw him sputter for a reply. “Here. It’s not even five yet, and I’m sure you’re not gonna nurse another whiskey all day, are you?”

He closed his eyes tightly.

“ _Kriff_ , you’re gonna kill me,” Ben said. Her eyes still twinkled, and Ben couldn’t find it in him to care that it was coming at his sanity’s expense. He’d even do the chicken dance for her, if it meant she could keep looking at him like that. Like… like she wanted him.

If he’d been half as bold as her, he’d have pointed out how much tighter her shirt was compared to yesterday. Her boobs —on the smaller side— were on full display for him, and where yesterday she’d worn a long skirt, today she had on shorts that made her legs look like they went on for miles. He imagined them wrapped around his head, writhing and clenching as he tasted her.

Shit.

He had a boner and nowhere to hide; he hoped she didn’t have to round the bar.

“You know, I was kind of hoping you’d sing something else for us today,” Rey said, eyeing the guitar that rested next to him. “Seems like we thought alike.”

Ben swept over the empty place with his eyes.

“I’d rather give _you_ the private concert,” Ben admitted, feeling like even his ears had gone pink.

Evidently pleased, Rey smiled.

“It’s a date then, after I close up,” Rey said easily enough.

That one word was enough to make Ben smile.

* * *

“No, I’m serious!” Rey laughed, and this was a different type of laughter, Ben noticed; one that came from her gut and that lit up her whole face. It was his favorite so far, especially when she let a snort through. “We really _do_ have a One-Eyed Joe, One-Legged Joe, One-Armed Joe and a Snipped-Joe.”

Somehow, Ben didn’t doubt that.

Even _he_ was chuckling by now.

It was now a quarter to midnight, and Rey had closed the bar a while ago. She let Ben stay, because she was waiting for her private concert still. She was nursing a glass of wine, while Ben had his second whiskey of the night.

“Now, let me hear that concert,” Rey said, suddenly bringing out his guitar from behind the bar; he’d given it to her hours ago, wanting to hide it from the drunkards. That guitar was one of his few prized possessions, and he appreciated that when she handed it to him she was able to read his weary expression.

Giving her a quirked smile, he grabbed it from her and sat it on his lap.

“Any requests?”

Rey thought about it.

“No, not really.”

So Ben chose one of his favorite songs.

The lyrics were dark, but the melody was beautiful. Ben sang from his heart, and that made it even more heartbreaking.

_My friends have all left me,_

_Away on the breeze._

_There’s a crushing silence where love’s a disease._

_Like a fever it grips me,_

_Like a lover it holds._

_Sacred of getting older,_

_Scared of dying alone._

_I’m in a blue haze._

_A blue haze._

Rey knew it was just a song. She knew that. She still couldn’t help the tears that slipped her eyes, because the words sounded true to the soul of Ben Solo. She thought of him, alone in his hotel room, shivering from the cold breeze and thinking he wished time would be suspended. She thought of him, trying to find a reason for being left all alone, not knowing some people just couldn’t hear the silence even though it should’ve been loud enough. 

She’d only just met the man, but already, she knew he had a light that burnt brighter than anyone else’s she’d ever met.

When the song ended, the air was heavy with his heartache. With hers. He slowly let the song die, the strumming of the guitar strings humming an echo when the last chords played out.

She fixed her eyes on his and waited until she was ready to speak; when she did, her voice broke with emotion.

“Can I hug you?”

It wasn’t the declaration of lustful want that Ben had wanted, ached for, and yet he felt that this request was much better than what he’d had in mind for the immediate future. He didn’t know how cold he felt until Rey’s arms were wrapped around his body, her arms being too short to wrap around him entirely. Still, she did her best, and she buried her face in his neck, trying and failing to hide the tears from him.

“Why do you cry?” Ben murmured softly, wrapping his arms around her with ease. He rubbed her back up and down, and much as he wished otherwise, there was nothing sexual about it. She was warm, and lithe, and soft despite the amount of muscle that evidently corded her arms.

He was at odds with himself; he wanted sex from her so badly he felt the need threatening to burst out of him, but at the same time, all he wanted from her was a soft hug and warm skin.

But one thing at a time, at least for now.

“Because I think you’re lonelier than you let yourself realize, and for some reason, that hurts me more than it should,” Rey admitted, and though her words were slightly muffled, what Ben couldn’t understand he somehow felt.

“I’m not lonely,” Ben wanted to say, but it sounded false to him, petulant. So instead, he hugged her tighter and said, “Right now, I’m ok.”

And it was true. Truer than anything else he’d said to the world in the last five years, at the very least. There was something about this girl, something he couldn’t explain, that made him feel silly for thinking so much of the past when there was a future to think of. Like he could conceivably let go of the past, eventually.

They stayed like that for a little while, and then Rey started swaying a little on her feet, making it obvious that she was tired. She’d been on her feet all afternoon, and she’d admitted that she doubled as a mechanic in the mornings to bring in a little more cash. Evidently, she was exhausted.

“Come on, you should get upstairs and hit the sack. You’ve had a long day.”

Rey pulled back, feeling charmed by his concern.

“How long are you staying here for, Ben?”

Originally, he’d planned for a week-long break.

After meeting her yesterday, he’d called his manager to let him know he’d be taking the entire month off.

Hux had called him a few choice names before hanging up on him, but Ben didn’t care; he knew that it would be taken care of. He paid him enough.

“About a month, if everything goes according to plan.” He cupped her face, transfixed. “When’s your next day off?”

Rey made the math.

“Sunday. Why?” She asked, though the smirk on her face let him know she was only teasing.

“I’d like to take you out on a date.”

She hummed, cocking her head to the side.

“I’m not sure if you’re telling or asking me.” Rey’s eyes glimmered mischievously, and when she saw that he was getting tongue-tied, decided to put him out of his misery. “Sure, I’ll go on a date with you on Sunday, Ben.”

She thought about the radiant smile he gave her right up until she went to sleep, and even then, she dreamt about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sort of new to the AO3 scene, though I've been a long standing part of the FFN kingdom; my transition is due to the lack of Star Wars fics featuring our favorite couple and also yes, the wider range of stuff you find here.  
> This is, basically, the result of me obsessing over the end of TROS and how Ben deserved better (*sobs*). So, I've been reading Reylo nonstop to assuage my wounded heart, because I can't believe that after years of stanning them... well. Anyway, I don't know how long this will be. Depends on my mood and inspiration, I suppose. 
> 
> See you soon! (I hope)
> 
> Leah.


	2. Hot Sauce

Ben didn’t go to the bar for the next two days, not wanting to come off as too clingy. Not to mention he _did_ have to answer a few e-mails and make himself known on a couple of telephonic interviews. He’d always found himself liking much more that format, given that he felt less forced to smile and give out platitudes. Unsurprisingly, he’d even been a lot more tolerant of the nosy questions, hardly even phased when asked something he usually found intrusive; he still didn’t answer, but he felt more at ease with how he evaded the questions. He felt less inclined to snap afterwards, more lenient towards the interviewer and Hux, who usually took the brunt of his anger.

In the middle of breakfast, his phone buzzed with an incoming text. His heart gave a kick when he saw who the sender was.

**You didn’t come yesterday —Rey**

So, she’d missed him. This made him feel incredibly happy, but also guilty. He wasn’t playing hard to get or anything, and he hoped she wasn’t under that impression. He was just all too conscious of how much he thought of her already, and he hadn’t known her longer than three days. He didn’t trust himself not to do something stupid before their date.

**Sorry. Had some stuff to do. —Ben**

He could almost imagine her pouting at his vague answer.

**And today? —Rey**

He grimaced.

**Still got some work to do. But I’ll definitely see you tomorrow. —Ben**

This time she took a few more minutes to reply, and Ben used the time to brush his teeth and pull out his song notebook, settling down on the couch in front of the coffee table with his papers spread out on top. He wasn’t much of a songwriter, but he was feeling oddly inspired today. He had a pencil tucked behind his left ear (if it was going to be unusually large, it might as well put itself to good use) and he chewed absentmindedly on almonds, sending a silent apology to those with nut allergies.

**If I didn’t know any better**

**I’d think you were avoiding me —Rey**

He looked at the text thoughtfully, wondering how he should reply. This was tricky for him, because his impulse was to be dismissive. Then again, that had never led him anywhere; maybe it was time for some honesty, no matter how much he wanted to cringe at himself.

**It’s a good thing you know better.**

**Because tomorrow’s date is already the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. —Ben**

And _send_.

Then he threw his phone across the room as though it had burned him, not wanting to see her reply until he’d at least practiced a little, knowing whatever she said or didn’t say next would ruin him for the rest of the day.

He spent the next few hours practicing a couple of his old tunes, thankful for the relative emptiness of the motel. It meant nobody would be knocking down his door demanding him to turn it down, even while he started humming along. His fingers hurt from the nonstop playing, but thankfully they were now calloused; as a teenager, they’d bled from the hours upon hours of use, leading him to moments like these where he knew his hands could take his grueling practice schedule. He hadn’t brought his electric guitar, knowing he’d enjoy spending the days going back to acoustics and letting his voice rest from some of the harsher rock pitches.

Unwillingly, lyrics started flashing before his eyes —softer, tranquil, as if the anger he usually infused into his songs couldn’t be found. It didn’t sound like his usual songs, even in his head; it lacked screaming and sweat, because this was definitely not the kind of song you rocked to. No, this was the kind of song that lulled you to sleep, the kind of song that calmed a racing heart and gave it a start when the emotions got to be too much.

It was the private kind of song.

The kind of song his fans could hate for all he cared, but it wasn’t stopping him from elaborating on it.

The hours went by quickly amid scribbling, singing and strumming the guitar. The first third of a song was always the easiest for him; he was presenting the main idea, and everything would flow from there. It was like writing a hook for an essay, something that, as a teenager, he’d been fond of doing. He sucked at the rest of the subjects, but English he’d always nailed; nobody was judging him from letting out his inner demons because somehow, those were always the ones that sounded best on paper.

He was interrupted from his train of thought by his phone ringing.

Looking up, he saw that night had fallen; it had been midday when he’d sat down to practice. It wasn’t unusual for him to neglect basic necessities in favor of music, so he wasn’t all that surprised by this development.

Standing, and cursing his numbed legs while he was at it, he set down his guitar and wobbled to the bed to pick up his phone. He swiped to answer without even looking at who was calling, as was his habit.

“Hello?”

A moment of silence, making him frown. He was about to check the caller ID when the voice on the other end made itself known.

“Hello? Ben?”

“Rey! Hey, what’s up?” Ben asked, cringing to himself. He sounded like he was seventeen, not a grown man who’d lived apart from his family for roughly ten years.

“Well, I was growing antsy waiting for your reply. I’m kind of impatient, you know,” Rey said, and though he hadn’t known her long, already he could tell this was painfully true. Exhibit A.

“I see that. But I can’t say I saw your last text; I’ve been practicing the last couple of hours,” Ben said with a wince, hoping it sounded —because it was true— believable.

“Couple? It’s been _eight_ hours, Ben!” Rey snorted, but she didn’t try to accuse him of lying. She’d known from their first meeting he was more likely to not answer if he didn’t feel inclined to, rather than lie.

“Oh. I kind of… lost track of time,” Ben said, and his stomach rumbled in dissatisfied agreement. He thanked whatever deity was out there that there was no way Rey had heard that, but he still blushed. “Want me to read it and get back to you?” Ben offered, blushing even harder with her tinkling laugh that seemed to mock him.

“No, that’s fine. I just said I want to see you today. Mind coming over and keeping me company?”

He might’ve been a grown man, but he still felt butterflies in his stomach at her words.

_Jesus dude, people would think this is the first time a pretty girl talks to you._

“You really want me there?”

It was a foreign concept to him, his presence being required outside of a professional capacity; usually, people were weary about inviting him over, all too conscious of his volatile temper. That tended to happen after you threw out a second chair out the tour bus —maybe even after the first one.

He was still a work in progress.

“Of course,” Rey said, and it was enough to put a stop to all of his hesitation. Right; she’d already agreed to a date with him, so it wasn’t as though this was a complete surprise. Obviously, she’d enjoyed his presence the last few days, and it went without saying that he’d enjoyed hers. He could stand to be a little more confident.

It was odd, how nervous he was in front of this woman. He’d never been a smooth talker, before or well after fame, but this was getting ridiculous. He felt like an awkward fifteen-year-old trying to ask the prettiest girl in school to dance. Ben was an adult, damn it, and he had to remind himself of this.

So he grinned like a fool to himself, swearing he wouldn’t let Rey see his goofiness. It wasn’t very Kylo Ren of him, after all.

“I can be there in ten minutes,” Ben offered.

He could hear her smile over the phone.

“I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

It turned out Rey _had_ been waiting, but not with bated breath. Unsurprisingly, Saturday was a busy night for the bartender, who rushed back and forth between the bar and the storage, bringing out copious amounts of alcohol and still having to go back for more. Nevertheless, she gave him a breathtaking smile when she saw him arrive, paused her frenzy and waved him over.

“Sit right there,” was all she said before getting a move on with the next skinny margarita. Ben did, and he forced himself not to stare at her lips _too_ intently. Still, it was a wonder watching Rey move behind the bar, grabbing glasses seemingly out of thin air and filling them with beer or whiskey, a favorite from the regulars. Rey’s movements were smooth, practiced, her toned muscles tightening with effort and mouth easily stretching into a smile. She wore her hair up in the same three buns as always, and though he’d never seen anyone else wear this hairstyle, he knew it was his favorite one. It was cute.

Scratch that; everything about Rey was cute. Magical. Made him feel like he was about to fall head-first into a shadow, only to be caught by warm hands. He’d never met someone more alive, or perhaps he’d never wanted to live so much to see someone’s smile. He was hypnotized.

“You a friend of Rey’s?” A dark-skinned man sat next to Ben, his clothes much nicer than half the people’s in this establishment, his eyes more sober. Ben wouldn’t say this man looked _friendly_ , per se, but he didn’t feel his usual knee-jerk reaction to strangers: snap at them or flee. He thought this was entirely related to the fact that this man might be in some way acquainted with the girl he was presently mooning over.

“Ben,” he said by way of response, nodding at the stranger. The man’s eyes sparkled with recognition, but he didn’t say from where.

“Ah,” he muttered instead, something like a smirk pulling at his lips. “Finn.” He complimented this introduction with a nod of his own, letting his elbows relax on top of the bar. He flickered his eyes to the side, and Ben didn’t need to have eyes in the back of his head to know he’d caught Rey’s eye.

He knew this because no less than a second later Rey had materialized in front of the duo, one chilled Heineken in her left hand and bar blade in the other, wasting no time in placing the beer in front of the newcomer.

“Finn, your usual,” Rey said, eyes glancing between the two men suspiciously. “I see you’ve met each other.”

“Literally only our names, Rey,” Finn said, as if by way of protest. Rey squinted, lips pursing, as if she really didn’t believe a word he’d said. As if she’d been able to wrench the truth out of him by mere sight, she gave a firm nod and turned to Ben with an easy-going smile.

“This is Finn, my best friend. His only flaw is being an overprotective mother hen, and I even love that about him,” Rey said, and with his own wide smile, Finn turned to his friend.

“I thought you were going to say—”

“—oh yeah, and also he puts hot sauce on ice cream, which is criminal,” Rey finished, making Finn groan and Ben’s eyes widen in horror.

“ _How_?” he managed to choke out, unable to even fathom mixing the two things together. Then, he thought of an even better question. “Don’t you have an ulcer?”

Finn gave him a dirty look, then looked back at Rey, who looked only too pleased with herself.

“Where’s _his_ introduction, huh? I wanna see you throw him under the bus,” Finn groused, taking a swig of his beer with what could only be a pout.

The bartender brushed him off.

“I wouldn’t do that, or else he might not take me on a date tomorrow,” Rey’s smile appeared to grow even bigger, and to Ben’s relief, Finn did not seem surprised by this fact. “But this is Ben, my date. He’s too cute for words.”

At this, both Ben and Finn snorted. Ben because he could not believe that such a description had ever been used on _him_ , the man whose wardrobe was a palette of wormhole-blacks; Finn because he didn’t know what was cute about a scowl, big ears and hulking shoulders.

“I’m not cute, Rey,” Ben shook his head, and Finn chorused his sentiment.

Rolling her eyes, she jokingly batted her eyelashes at Ben; shit, _she_ was too cute for words. He fought a blush, but he was aware he failed.

“You _are_ , and I know all about cute,” Rey stated firmly, and as if to emphasize her point, she suddenly frowned deeply and craned her neck up. “Who was that? If any of you idiots broke another glass I’m fucking kicking you out!”

Rey stomped off, smacking the towel previously on one shoulder against the counter, leaving it there as she sought out the noise’s culprit.

Ben couldn’t help himself: he cracked a smile. Next to him, Finn chuckled quietly, disbelieving that _this_ was how his best friend acted when she was trying to flirt.

The next couple of hours were spent between companionable silence and easy bantering with Rey. Finn and Ben spoke little to each other, but both of them interacted easily with the bartender’s crazy.

She was the best kind of crazy, Ben found.

Eventually, though, Finn left with a light warning and a soft buzz, seemingly herding out the rest of the drunkards home with him. Soon enough, he and Rey found themselves alone in the small town bar, casting each other shy glances as they picked up.

“Thank you,” Rey said suddenly, and frowning, Ben didn’t stop wiping down the table he was working on.

“What for?” he muttered, sincerely confused. He hadn’t done anything grand, and helping with clean up was more of an excuse to stay with her longer.

“For being nice to Finn,” Rey said, suddenly sounding a lot closer to him. Dropping the dirty towel on the clean table, he turned around to find a blushing girl.

Right; she was a decade younger than him.

“I wasn’t nice to him,” Ben denied, making a soft look to settle on her face.

“Yes you were. I could tell it didn't come to you on instinct,” Rey said, making Ben flinch; so he’d been that obvious. “But I’m glad you tried. Was it for me? Or for your image?”

She asked that, but from her open non-verbal language he could tell she already had the answer.

He gave it to her anyway.

“For you, Rey,” Ben shrugged simply, because what else could he say? He couldn’t pretend he was a people-person, not when she’d spent more than ten minutes with him (without even mentioning that she knew his reputation).

It was the best thing to say, he could tell.

She gave a bright smile, and the hug she gave him lingered up until he closed his eyes, dreaming of hazel eyes and hot sauce on ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why hello again. You might ask why it took me so long to update such a short chapter, and the reason is: I have no good answer. I've got lots of stuff to do, among them reading Reylo fanfiction instead of writing it. I'm sorry. Deeply. 
> 
> With that out of the way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and see you next time for the date! 
> 
> Leah.


	3. The Tale of Angers Past

“Ok, so I tried finding things for us to do,” Ben said, glancing sideways at Rey as he pulled out of the curb. “But turns out the only thing there is to do in Jakku is drink.”

Rey laughed.

Unsurprisingly, Ben had shown up at her doorstep exactly at ten in the morning —their agreed upon time. Had it been up to Ben, he’d have been there at the crack of dawn, but given that his date had worked well into the night and needed the recovery time, he decided to cool it with his intensity just this once.

And boy was he glad.

Rey was sunshine in her yellow dress, hair in two buns on top of her head and red lipstick that had Ben shifting uncomfortably in his pants. She looked young and beautiful, but sinful with those lips. When he’d greeted her and saw her lips curl up in a smile he knew that she’d done it on purpose, that minx. Now she was sitting on the passenger seat of his Falcon, crossing and uncrossing her legs in a distracting manner.

Not that he was looking.

He really wasn’t; he was driving, so it’d be dangerous if he was.

Still, just to be safe, he went on the slow lane.

“So, what are we doing?” Rey wondered, leaning forward to fiddle with the radio. It was turned to some hard rock station, and she’d already admitted to being an indie-folk fan; there was no point in pretending she enjoyed it. Ben liked this about her; he hadn’t even known what station it was turned to, focused as he was on what he’d say and do when he turned up at Rey’s doorstep. He found it a pain having to coax someone into letting show their true likes and dislikes, and Rey had gone ahead and done as she pleased.

It was nice, knowing someone wasn’t inhibiting themselves around you; this was Kylo Ren’s life, trying to explain to people he wouldn’t throw a tantrum _just_ because he disliked the water bottle he’d been given. Then again, he’d stopped trying to explain himself years ago; there was no sense in doing so when nobody listened.

“It’s a surprise,” Ben said, smirking when he heard her huff in displeasure. Rey was not a patient woman, and he was doing his best to not take advantage of the fact —her huffs amused him, making him feel like a little boy tugging at the pigtails of the girl he liked.

Not that he had any experience with that; the first time he liked a girl he was fifteen, and instead of childish flirtation he’d had all the intensity of a horny teenager trying not to fuck up asking someone on a date.

“You _must_ know I’m not a fan of surprises,” Rey crossed her arms over her chest, defiant, and he could feel her glare at the side of his face. “I told you what happened to the last person who tried, didn’t I?”

She did. Some asshole at the bar tried asking her out with a public announcement, and she kicked him out with a warning to _never_ come back. Apparently, this event had been quite a spectacle, because a couple of the Joes hanging around the bar when she retold the story flinched and cupped their nether regions.

With a confidence he didn’t have, Ben flashed her what he thought was a charming grin.

“You’ll like this one,” Ben promised, and when her glare didn’t let up, he swallowed hard. “I hope.”

Rey laughed, and he couldn’t be sure that this laughter wasn’t _at_ him.

“I’m just teasing you Ben,” Rey snickered, and he felt her gaze let up. “You’re so funny,” he heard Rey mutter to herself, which in all honesty was surprising; nobody had _ever_ called Ben Solo funny. The closest to this had been when his father had called him a ‘sarcastic dick’, and he still wasn’t all that sure it had been in good fun.

“You’re a woman of odd tastes,” Ben said with a smirk, careful not to look in her direction when he felt another glare coming. “I’m thankful for that.”

They spent the rest of the ride in comfortable silence, windows down and music blasting through the car. The road was thankfully empty, the trees on either side supplying a nice shade for the two; time crawled by, and yet the two wished they could extend this drive as much as possible. The peace they felt amid the silence was one both rarely ever felt in their daily lives, and it was made that much sweeter by the fact that they were next to each other. Ben could see Rey tapping her fingers on her leg to the beat of the music, mouthing the lyrics quietly.

“You can sing, you know,” Ben said, adjusting the sunglasses which were slipping down his nose.

“I’m terrible,” Rey admitted, her fingers still tapping along.

He shrugged.

“I don’t care.”

She didn’t have to be told twice, immediately starting to belt out the tune along with the singer.

She _was_ terrible, Ben found. He also didn’t mind, the annoyance and second-hand embarrassment that usually followed such terrible singing unusually quiet, replaced instead by a warm feeling and an inexplicable need to smile. So he did. He let her sunshine cast away his shadows, even if only for a little while.

“You have an amazing smile,” Rey stopped abruptly to say, and then she started singing again, not even giving him the chance to reply.

It was just as well; he needed time for his flaming cheeks to calm down.

* * *

“You brought me to the _planetarium_?” Rey screeched as soon as the building came into view. He was about to ask if he should turn around and look for a movie instead, heart in his mouth, but then she clasped onto his forearm with too much strength. “ _Thank you._ ”

He felt his lips curl up, suddenly thankful for his obsessive search on what to do around Jakku. He was getting the feeling that he’d do anything for this girl, and there wasn’t much he truly knew about her.

He wanted to know everything, though.

After parking, Ben quickly rounded the car to open Rey’s door for her; he’d half expected her to say something about how she could do it herself, but instead she gave him a wide smile.

“Thank you,” Rey said, biting down on her bottom lip.

_You’ll never open another door around me again_ , Ben refrained from saying.

“You’re welcome,” he said instead, crowding her until she leaned back against the passenger side with his arms caging her in. She saw him fighting to say something, hesitation making him scowl on and off.

“What is it?” Rey asked softly, a part of her feeling as if she spoke too loudly he’d spook. He pursed his lips and glanced down at her eyes briefly before looking straight up, a faint blush on his cheeks.

“May I hug you?”

She thought to the other night where she asked the very same thing, and her heart broke a little with how hard this simple question had been for him. So she just nodded, stretching on her tiptoes when he bent down to wrap his arms around her waist and leaned his chin on her head; she felt a little like crying, but mostly she wondered where all this warmth was coming from. If this was already what she felt for him, or if Ben was simply that good at sharing his tenderness. She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, forcing him to dip his face into her neck.

“I feel so… peaceful with you,” Ben admitted quietly, squeezing her harder. “Like all the anger I always carry is behind this wall I can’t reach.”

Rey tightened her grip on him, swearing to herself she wouldn’t let this man go.

“That’s called being _happy_ , Ben,” Rey whispered back. “And you make me happy, too.”

It was barely midday. Families were milling about, chattering on about nonsensical things. The date had barely started. But he knew he couldn’t wait.

“I need to kiss you, Rey. Will you let me?” Ben pulled back enough to stare down into her hazel eyes, surprised to find them shining. She gave him a small smile that made him feel grand.

“I’m not stopping you.”

Swooping down for the kiss, Ben felt Rey stretch herself a little further to reach him. They met in the middle, her upper lip caught between his. She’d been expecting him to be a little more aggressive what with the need she’d seen in his eyes, but instead she found him giving her such a soft peck that it felt like she was eleven again, getting kissed for the first time by the boy who’d been dared to do it. Her heart in her throat, her fingers curling into fists, her eyes unable to remain open. A sigh escaped her, and instead of taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss Ben simply gave her another peck.

It was, all things considered, wonderful.

“I can’t believe you kiss like a boy with lips like those,” Rey muttered, opening her eyes with a teasing smile. He blushed, clearing his throat and looking away. He straightened up.

“Someone can take a picture of us at any time, and I don’t want anyone twisting what we are.”

Right. Rey hadn’t thought of this, not really. She was dating a rock star, and a really famous one at that. This made her eyes widen with a sudden realization.

“Oh God, Ben! Shouldn’t you be using a disguise or something?” Her eyes bounced around him, wondering how he’d look with a blond wig and glasses. They could call him Matt.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said, manifesting a hat and a medical mask from his back pocket. “If they can’t see my hair or nose, they won’t recognize me.”

Rey made a sound of protest.

“But _I_ want to see your hair and nose,” she muttered petulantly. Seeing his self-deprecating snort, she scowled furiously. “As soon as we’re alone, I’m writing poetry about your face and that’s final.”

He put on the disguise with a shake of his head, unable to believe he’d found someone who _actually_ found him attractive. It felt nice, knowing she didn’t like him _despite_ his big ears.

Walking into the planetarium, Ben paid for their tickets ( _“I can pay for mine!” “I know.”_ ) and then led them towards one of the exhibits called A Walk Through Time and Space.

They walked hand in hand, pointing out funny names and marveling at the universe.

“Can you believe just how lucky it is that we’re here?” Rey whispered in his ear; they were sitting against the wall, looking up at the moving stars. “I mean, of all the galaxies, planets and stars, _this_ is our home. We alone housed _Elvis Presley_.”

Disguising his chuckle as a cough, Ben put his arm around Rey, glad when she burrowed further into him.

“We’re also the lone system with Nutella,” Ben whispered back, making her giggle softly.

They spent the next two hours going from one exhibit to the other, watching showings and discussing which constellations they liked best.

Once they made their way out, both of their stomachs were grumbling for food. Ben drove them to a nearby diner, which he’d read had good food and was never overly crowded.

Once they got their own booth a tiny old woman with huge coke bottle glasses arrived in front of them, notepad out and pencil in hand.

“Afternoon dearies, welcome to Maz’s Diner. I’m Maz. What can I get you?”

Surprised what was likely the owner was taking their owner, the couple wasted no time in placing their orders of milkshakes and burgers. To his surprise, Rey got two burgers _and_ apple pie. When he just arched a questioning eyebrow she huffed.

“What? I’m always hungry.”

They spent lunch talking about anything they could think of, but mostly about Rey and her love of cars, and then her friends. Apparently, Finn was a taken man already, and he was also studying to be an engineer, albeit an electrical one. They were roommates back at college, of which she only had a semester left.

Ben talked a little about his job, what it was like going on tour and meeting celebrities. He was especially talkative about Hux, his asshole manager, and about all the sights he’d gotten to see while going around the world. He loved traveling, naming it as one of the best parts of his career.

“I’ve never left the country,” Rey admitted with a shrug. “Don’t have a passport.”

Right.

Idiot.

Ben didn’t know how to shift the conversation away, so he didn’t.

Rey took over.

“You know, it sounds to me like you have a good life,” Rey said carefully, as though she didn’t want to upset him. “So why have you held on to the anger?”

It was a good question.

“Sometimes, I’ve felt like it’s all I have. Like everything but that feeling is fleeting and mine. And eventually, it just became too hard to let go of since it’s the only thing that felt familiar. Until now,” Ben admitted.

And though she smiled, she cocked her head to the side thoughtfully.

“I’m not an expert, but it sounds like you could use one.” Rey said, chewing on her last french fry. “I’m glad I’ve made you happy. But I’d feel even better knowing you already were.”

A fair point, and one he’d have to tear through in private as soon as he could.

Rey took that moment of distraction to snatch the bill and run to the cashier, looking back over her shoulder smugly, as though this had been her plan all along.

Ben laughed, tugging on his cap.

He looked forward to being distracted from his inner demons by the ray of sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I went so soft. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Only one chapter left. :)


	4. The Ballad of the Scavenger

Two weeks flew by in the blink of an eye.

After their first date in the planetarium Ben and Rey were basically joined at the hip. Ben could be found every afternoon at the bar, and whenever she wasn’t tending to a client Rey was aiming winning smiles at Ben. Finn only came around a couple of more times as if to let Ben know that he still existed, but otherwise the two stayed in their own bubble.

It was, simply put, the best two weeks of his life.

He’d never realized how much anger he carried until he was suddenly faced with the time spent without the burden. He walked lighter, laughed easier, grinned a little wider. He finally understood the expression ‘walking on air’ because his feet had not touched the ground once since kissing Rey. He kept thinking about what Rey had said, that maybe he needed someone to help let it all out. Music used to be that outlet, but when he hit it big, it became another source of grief most of the time.

By the end of the second week, something even better happened: Rey got someone to take over two shifts, which meant that she could spend the weekend with Ben.

Saturday morning found the two having breakfast at the local diner, the only place that served food in the dingy town. Rey had a stack of pancakes and a milkshake in front of her, while Ben had chosen scrambled eggs with bacon and coffee.

“That’s an old man breakfast,” Rey observed, bathing her pancake in honey. Amused, Ben bit into his bacon.

“No, this is a non-diabetic breakfast,” he pointed out, eyeing the sugar bomb she was consuming.

“You’re just jealous I can still eat this much, old man,” Rey gave a mischievous grin, shoveling what seemed like half a pancake in her mouth.

Ben had to remind himself that it wasn’t cute. It _wasn’t_.

“I’ve never liked sweets much,” Ben said with a shrug, ignoring the wide eyed horrified look. “Only chocolate.”

She pretended to sigh in relief.

“Ok, you scared me there for a second. That would’ve been a dealbreaker,” Rey said, winking to let him know she was kidding. He thought; honestly, there wasn’t much he was sure about when it came to this woman.

He was about to retort with something he thought was witty when his phone started vibrating with an incoming call; frowning, because he’d told Hux he’d fire him if he bothered him this weekend, and fished it out of his pocket and turned it to see the caller ID.

Leia Organa.

Eyes flickering up in panic, he met Rey’s eyes and tried silently telling her that he wanted the ground to swallow him. In response, she only held her hand out and smiled.

Wondering how he’d found such a woman, Ben swallowed hard and answered the call.

“Hello?”

Truthfully, his parents called him at least once a month —he’d been the one ghosting all their calls, sending them straight to voicemail. He hadn’t wanted their apologies, content to feed into the anger that constantly grew.

Today though, looking into the eyes of the woman he was sure he’d fallen in love with… he wanted her to think he was a good man.

“ _Ben?_ ” Leia gasped, apparently as surprised as he was that he’d answered.

Squeezing Rey’s hand a little too tightly, he cleared his throat.

“Hi, mom.”

“Are you ok? I’m surprised you answered, is everything alright? Do you need anything?”

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Ben’s right eye twitched.

“I’m fine, mom. Don’t need anything. Just…” He couldn’t elaborate, not knowing how to continue his explanation. There was none. He just wanted Rey to think he was a better man than he knew himself to be.

There was a pause, and Ben used the opportunity to lighten his grip a little.

When Leia spoke again, her voice was raspy.

“There’s a girl, am I right?”

He met Rey’s eyes, holding them so she knew he was serious.

“Just _the_ girl, mom. No one else.”

Holding back a sob, Ben heard his mother prattle on for what seemed like eternity, but for once he didn’t mind. He was too focused on holding Rey’s gaze, which maybe looked a little misty to him; true to herself though, she kept shoveling in pancakes.

“What’s her name?” Leia finally asked, done with thanking all his ancestors for the news.

“Rey.”

“ _Rey_ , what a wonderful name. I want to meet her.”

Unsurprising, but not something Ben felt he was ready for. He was hardly ready to see his mother, let alone introduce her to what seemed like the best thing in his life. Leia could be a little too much, and that was without even taking into account his crazy father and Uncle Chewie.

“Mom…” Ben trailed off, letting the silence speak for him.

Nonplussed, he could almost see his mother shrugging.

“Oh alright, whenever you’re ready. But soon. I’ve missed your face, and your father’s has gotten boring already—” he could hear his father protest in the distance “—so just… Please, Ben. Come home.”

 _I_ am _home_ , Ben thought, looking at the girl who’d picked his heart up in a matter of days. It might have been too soon to say it, much less think it, but there he was. A fool in love.

“I will, mom. Tell dad… Tell him I say hi.”

She cleared her throat, evidently emotional.

“I will. I _love_ you, Ben.”

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes.

“I love you too, mom.”

It was the truth, no matter how much he’d tried thinking different. Leia Organa and Han Solo loved him, however terrible they were at showing it.

They hung up, and when he opened his eyes he saw that Rey had managed to finish shoveling in the rest of her breakfast. She was looking at him curiously, still holding onto his hand just as tightly. Putting his phone away, Ben took up eating again, this time one handed; no way was he letting go of her hand right now.

“You never told me what happened with your parents,” Rey said softly, turning their hands softly so she could swipe her thumb over his fingers soothingly.

“Didn’t I?” Ben muttered, looking down at his cup of coffee.

“Ben,” Rey said firmly, tugging on his hand; he looked up and found her giving him a glare, apparently not about to let him sweep this under the rug. “I don’t have to, but I want to know. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”

A smile tugging at his lips, he took a sip from his coffee. It was cold already.

“You’re so pushy.”

“Ben…”

“They gave me away,” Ben bit out, shoving a piece of bacon into his mouth and chewing angrily. “I was a difficult kid, more than usual. I’d break school property, get in fights, get home late, get in shouting matches with my father. My mother decided to ship me off to school in _Alaska_ with my uncle, her twin brother. They never even visited, Rey. Just left me there to work out my anger issues with someone who didn’t give a shit about them, couldn’t understand them and didn’t want to.”

He took a deep, calming breath.

He wouldn’t lose it, not with her. Still, he couldn’t look her in the eye while he talked of this.

“Luke tried teaching me piano to work it out, and I was good but it wasn’t _my_ instrument, you know? I got my hands on a guitar and finally I started being able to identify my anger, which for me has always been the toughest thing: knowing my emotions. So, while Luke made sure to emphasize how _nice_ my _hobby_ was, I found someone who could… make me more.”

He’d never told this story.

It was evident in how much his voice shook.

“I caught Luke trying to burn my acceptance letter into Juilliard, saying I’d never make it there. I just… snapped. I snatched it away, hopped on the first flight to New York and didn’t look back. Snoke, the person who’d discovered me and convinced me to apply, was a teacher there. He wanted me to be classically trained, and I did as he wanted, but once I graduated all I wanted was to make a name for myself. I’d been miserable in college, worked too hard and not really enjoying myself. So I ran away, found the first job available and worked tables.”

Ben took a moment to eat some more, conscious of Rey’s eyes on him.

“My parents never understood why I was angry, even though I _told_ them what Luke did. I cut off contact with them and spent the next two years working my ass off and doing gigs wherever I could. Then I was discovered, and a year later I was starting to play bigger and bigger crowds. Four years ago, when I won the Grammy, my parents called to congratulate me. I told them to fucking shove it and that I never wanted to talk to them again. And now they call once a month, trying to get me to talk to them.” 

He finished the last of his breakfast, letting out a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry if this makes me look like a brat. You’ve spent so long looking for your parents and here I am turning away mine.”

Rey’s hand tightened in his, and he finally got the courage to look up and face her.

She looked fierce.

“Fuck that,” Rey snapped, evidently furious. “They abandoned you, too. You were a _kid_ , Ben, and no amount of anger issues should’ve kept them from at least visiting you. You’ve got _every_ right to be angry.”

Then her shoulders lost some of their tension, and she gave him a soft smile.

“You’ve also got the right to let go and forgive.”

Rey paid for breakfast (she insisted) and they left hand in hand, getting in Ben’s car and driving back to his motel. It was a nice one, as far as motels went, and it was risky going to public places. They just wanted to enjoy each other a little more.

When they were inside his room (apparently the only one currently occupied) the first thing Ben did was hug Rey tightly, crushing her against his chest.

“What’s up?” she laughed warmly, returning the hug.

“Just wondered how I met someone so perfect.”

Rey snorted, pulling back and looking up at him.

“You kidding me? I can out eat anyone, I’m stubborn, I snore, sometimes I don’t shower for a week and I’ve got abandonment issues. I’m not perfect, Ben. I’m normal. I just happen to know when I’ve found a catch.”

He gave her a small grin.

“Have you?”

“Oh yes. It’s this giant teddy bear that spends too much time brooding and styling his hair. Maybe you know him? He’s super hot, gets even better without a shirt off and says such sweet things sometimes I have a toothache.”

Ben blushed.

“You sure that’s not the amount of honey you ate?”

Rey pretended to consider this, then shook her head.

“Nope, pretty sure it’s the sweet nothings.”

“I can be mean if you want,” Ben grumbled, fighting back the urge to purr when he felt her dig her hands into her hair.

“Nope,” Rey said, popping the p. “I like you cheesy and broody. Wouldn’t have you any other way.”

_I love you._

“Is it normal? Feeling like this about someone I’ve known for three weeks,” Ben whispered, bending his neck down. Rey lost some of that mischievous glint in her eye, but not the evident tenderness she felt towards him.

“Don’t be afraid, Ben. I feel it too.”

They closed the gap between them, letting their lips meet in the middle.

Ben thought their first time together would be a clashing of fireworks, but instead it felt like listening to the soft waves crash against each other. There was no haste, only the two of them wanting to wear their hearts on their sleeve.

_I love you._

Ben let Rey deepen the kiss, gladly opening his mouth when she sought entrance, a low groan in the back of his throat making it out.

“I want you,” Rey whispered against his mouth. “Please.”

“You have me,” Ben said simply, walking her backwards until she was sitting on the bed, then pushing her back until he was hovering over her.

“Are you clean?” Rey managed to ask, gasping as he trailed his kisses down behind her ear.

“I am, it’s been about a year since my last time. You?”

He heard her gulp.

“Um, I’ve got the implant. And I… I’ve never done this before.”

He paused only a moment, his lips pausing their track.

He blew on her neck, knowing she was ticklish there; she didn’t disappoint, laughing a little as she tried to buck him off half-heartedly.

“Thank you for giving me your first time.” Ben said reverently, and inside, he swore to be her last as well.

They made slow work of taking each other’s clothes off amid kisses and smiles. When Rey got her dress stuck over her head, Ben took advantage of the fact to blow a raspberry on her stomach, making her shriek in happiness. The last article of clothing was Ben’s boxers, which he swore he needed on or he’d let this end too quickly.

“I’m not eighteen anymore, my recovery time’s longer,” Ben muttered, placing both hands around her waist. She was small enough that with just one he could cover her lower abdomen, an aspect that made him happier than it should have.

She was about to retort something when he wrapped his lips around a nipple, and her words were lost in a moan.

It was true that she didn’t have much boobs, but it was exactly the amount he wanted on her. He felt even bigger being with her, and it satisfied some primal part in him he rarely admitted to having.

“Ben,” Rey moaned, digging her fingers into his hair and tugging, making him groan. He cupped her other tit, rolling the nipple in between his fingers with happy sighs.

“Fucking perfect tits,” Ben sighed, moving his mouth to the other nipple.

“T-They’re not too small?” Rey managed, moving her hands to his earlobes and _rubbing_. Shit, he loved that.

“Perfect,” Ben said, and enveloped a breast in his mouth and sucked, making her cry out. Drool slipping from the corner of his lip, he moved down, looking up at her with a heated look in his eye. “Perfect mouthful.”

He was going to kill her, and she’d die willingly.

_I love you._

He moved down, making sure to kiss every freckle he found, spending special attention to her navel —knowing that she wanted him lower, but making her stomach quiver with anticipation. She was soaked and he hadn’t touched her there yet.

“May I?” Ben’s eyes were nearly black as they met hers, seemingly vibrating with the need to give attention to her nether regions. Blushing, Rey closed her eyes and let her head drop back, licking her lips and nodding.

He wasted no time. He hooked her legs over his shoulders and licked her cunt, making her cry out.

“ _Ben!_ ”

“Shit, you’re so wet,” Ben said, wonderstruck. Dipping a finger inside, the warmth and tightness made him buck his hips into the mattress. “Fuck, is this for me sweetheart?”

He felt more than saw her furiously nod, and he focused on licking her clit leisurely, furiously pumping his finger in and out.

There was a chant, which he realized was his name being called over and over again; Rey’s legs were clamped tightly around his ears, but no way was he easing up. He felt her growing closer, so he added a second finger only to find that it felt almost too tight. No matter; she tightened around his fingers and cried out the moment he did, shouting her pleasure to the heavens.

Satisfied, Ben gave her a lazy lick and pulled back, seeing the woman of his dreams breathing heavily.

“Good?” Ben teased, crawling up over her and kissing her chin. She opened her eyes, looking so disoriented that he just had to smile.

“Spectacular,” Rey slurred, beaming back at him. “I’ll take five to go.”

They laughed.

Unable to help herself, Rey bent up and kissed him, not minding tasting herself on him. His lips really were made for kissing, soft and wide under hers.

Before long, Ben deepened the kiss, and lying on their sides he pulled up her left leg over his hip and pressed himself into her clit, making her gasp into the kiss.

“Just one more, sweetheart,” Ben mumbled, giving her bottom lip a playful bite. “So I know you’re ready.”

Coaxing this orgasm out of her was even quicker; she could feel his cock rubbing against her sensitive clit over and over again, and the strength he used belied just how much he wanted to be buried inside her. The thought that she could reduce this mountain of a man to a rutting teenager got her off, aided by the imagery of him taking her just as roughly.

“Please Ben,” Rey whimpered, riding out the last of her orgasm against him. He had his hand clasped around her waist in a death grip, face buried in her neck.

“You’re sure?”

Instead of replying Rey forced him on his back, leaning back and getting in between his legs. She grabbed his waistband with both hands and _pulled_. 

He was _huge_.

He wasn’t the type of big that sometimes showed up in porn that _had_ to be birth defects or the product of some sketchy surgery, but rather real-life humongous. The tip was red and angry, leaking pre-cum, and as if transfixed she bent down to lick it away.

“Rey, _fuck_ ,” Ben groaned, sitting up and grabbing her arms. “You can touch any other time you like, but right now I _really_ need to be inside you.”

Smiling brilliantly, thinking that someone who said things like that couldn’t possibly leave her, Rey gave him a chaste kiss and pushed him back, positioning herself so she was straddling him.

“Figured this might be easier,” Rey shrugged when she saw his questioning look. She grabbed the base of his cock, and unable to look him in the eye, focused on aiming right.

It hurt.

There was no way around it; she felt like she’d tried to stick a soda can into her vagina and was being punished for it.

But it was wonderful.

The warmth of it, hearing Ben gasp in delight. Feeling as though she’d never been closer to another human being. The more she allowed herself to lower, the more she thought she wouldn’t be able to take it all.

“You can,” Ben whispered, eyes fixed on the place they were joined at. “You can take all of me.”

A few minutes later, they found she really could. Buried to the hilt, Rey knew she could feel him bottom out inside, a thought that made her clench and Ben let out a sound that was a lot like an agonizing cry.

When she got the courage to look at him, his eyes were traced on where they were joined, a hand hovering just below her belly button.

“I can see myself buried inside,” Ben croaked out, and he pressed lightly at the bulge, making the two of them moan. “I want to die fucking buried inside of you.”

Moaning, Rey tried rising, only to find she wasn’t able to do so smoothly. Sheepishly, she locked eyes with Ben.

“Can we… switch? I’m not sure how to move.”

With another groan, Ben clasped her hips tightly and had her beneath him, the movement making her cry out in pleasure.

“Ready?”

Unable to answer, Rey nodded and kissed him hard.

Ben went as slow as he could, pushing in until Rey gasped and out until only the tip remained; he gave her time to grow used to him, accommodate him. It was the best cunt he’d ever (and would ever) had.

“You can speed up,” Rey whispered against him, and this was all encouragement he needed to nearly drill her into the bed, the only thing holding him back being the knowledge that this was her first time.

“You feel so fucking good,” Ben moaned, bucking his hips as far as he could when he felt her hands on his ears again. “You’re perfect. My dream girl. I want to fucking live inside you, want to die fucking, you, need to… Shit, I’m gonna come inside you.”

Rey gasped.

“Do it. Please, I want you to,” Rey moaned, lowering a hand to rub her clit. She was starting to tighten around him, so wet that it was hard to keep him inside.

“I need my come inside you,” Ben groaned, his thrusts becoming harder. “So you can feel me for _days_. So I drip out of you when you’re serving drinks — _Rey_!”

She’d come abruptly, and without a warning had coaxed his own orgasm out of him. While her walls tightened impossibly around him, he shot his seed inside of her, a tiny dark side of him hoping she could get knocked up. Make sure she was his in every way. She felt the warmth, and gasping, let her legs fall to the side.

They were breathing hard, exhausted.

_I love you._

“Do you have some pregnancy kink I should know of?” Rey teased, gasping for air.

Ben laughed.

“I have a Rey kink, hadn’t you noticed?” He gave her one last kiss before slipping out of her with a flinch, crawling down so he could rest his head against her chest. He pushed back any come that might have slipped out, a part of him needing it inside. “Thank you for that.”

“I love you,” Rey blurted out. “I don’t want this to end. I don’t want you to forget about me when you go back on tour. I want to be the one for you. The only one.”

He felt her heart beat furiously, betraying just how nervous her admission made her.

_I love you._

He looked up, saw her misty eyes, and gave her a wobbly smile of his own.

“I wrote you something,” he said, pressed a soft kiss to her lips and rolled away, putting on his boxers. He grabbed his guitar, never further than a few steps from him, and sat cross legged facing her. He tuned it absentmindedly, looking up constantly to make sure the woman he loved was watching.

She was.

“It’s called The Scavenger’s Ballad,” Ben said, licking his lips. He knew of her past, what she’d had to do to survive. This was only _her_ song. “I just had trouble with a couple of lines, but you gave them to me. I hope you like it.”

_I was in the darkness when you found me,_

_I never lied, even if I tried._

_I said,_

_I’ve given everything to you,_

_To the dark side._

We were young,

You gave me hope.

_I’m being torn apart because_

_I feel it again,_

_The pull to the light._

_I turned and said,_

_Will you help me?_

We were young,

You gave me hope.

_And I couldn’t breathe, because_

_I couldn’t hide._

_Not from you._

_We went walking by the shore,_

_And in moments I was saved._

_Don’t be afraid,_

_I feel it too, you said._

We were young,

You gave me hope.

_The waves crashed behind you,_

_And I thought about our story._

_The darkness said to let the past die,_

_One must kill it if you have to._

_But we met back then,_

_Became what we were meant to be._

_The past didn’t die,_

_I didn’t want it to._

_I wasn’t afraid,_

_You felt it too._

_I’m not alone,_

_But neither are you._

_We have what we need,_

_To be found at sea._

You gave me hope…

* * *

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! So, this is the end of this little story. Could've been a one-shot, cause this is usually how long my one shots are. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! And hopefully you can check out my other story (yes I know, I wasn't finished with this one and yet started that one), Crying I Can Do For You. 
> 
> Hope to see you again!
> 
> Leah.


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